just to what it is.

---12:23am---no one knows how much i wouldn't like to share this, but i'll keep everything as shallow as it can be..


this would be the time where i guess i have to really link this up to somebody...


this is a little special entry.. for someone i've really really loved for a short moment,....


for me it's short but i don't know really if how much 8 months would be for all of you.


it's short for me 'cause i really don't want to end it though i'm the one who asked for it...


a sacrifice that i chose just to make her happy, the biggest and the hardest sacrifice that i've ever done in my entire life.


to let her go.






~ i can't quite much understand what i really want to tell to this blog entry but, it would be randomly just focused on one subject...


my ex-girlfriend.. we just broke up and guess what... i'm not crying... doesn't necessarily mean that when a person doesn't cry in a situation that is hard, he/she is happy.. as of what my friend Jheo said to us, "silence speaks louder than words" and for me.. "silence flows faster than tears" harder though it's clear.. that a goal in me is such a big sacrifice just for her to be happy, while i'm somehow in the agony of her come back, things will never be the same again.


do you believe in second chances?.... i don't. but to think i'm still in the midst of waiting for her homecoming, i kind of being stupid right? i don't believe in second chances but i still wait for the second chance? i aint crazy.


but enough, let's say i am... just for her. i admit, can't imagine much how i could live a life to the fullest without her, in my opinion right now.. maybe just for right now. i really cant... i just have to live life just to what it can offer.. just to what it is.


i can't say much more for i can't focus on this much right now...


just imagine me doing this.. with dried lips and acidic tummy, have you imagined my tearbox doesn't give up to hold much of my body liquid... that it came to the point that my lips were dried as my tummy be acidic, my fluid is not coming out, but it's not maintaining, it's just containing. i have cried a lot inside and the tears aint going out....


Forgive me God, i had this paramount of thought, which i did just figure out last late night, that i can't bring myself towards what you really plan, what i mean is...i can't catch up much on your blueprint of my life, that for now i don't know how i'm going to be for the next few days or months or years... you know why? i still love her.


i'd be much thankful though, God, i know it's not enough, the time alloted was something out of what i thought my lovelife was. and so i wish for you just to sketch up another rendering of my life, that my heart will be closed beating on myself, i have to give myself my own love.


i wonder now... if my dog knows how i'm doin'... he's here and staring at me.. while i thought a while ago when he just entered my room that he needed to leave my room, but i didn't kick him out for someone taught me how to give sympathy for a dog who wants to see his man around him. how wonderful that i got this attitude from her...


there is no one else in this world that i loved so much like her....and there would be no other from now on.


my life would be a ported box of heart. where love goes for just a side where she's at, 'til the end...












'til the end of this blog. and my sufferings for my huge loss.


i love you so much Charmaine. i wouldn't say this for your happy ending, i would just have to say it for you to always know... just come back to this site and you always just have to believe i still do... as always.








stop crying.---1:11am---

have been so excited.

---9:54pm---wooah,, so hot, but not as hot as before... have watched fast and furious Tokyo drift for the 8th time, and iron man 2 for the 9th time today. I was so bored these days of summer, that i tend to watch movies all over again. but i noticed i enjoy much of the new sound system that i discovered inside a box at the stock room, it's never been used since the box was delivered here, it sounds great, makes me wanna plug it in my laptop all the time and have a sound trip.


~speaking of sound system, i'm about to replace my subwoofer, with something new and somehow the later version of the same kind, my subwoofer is just the first out sony x-plod 800watts peak 250 watts RMS, built in amp, with box of course. It sounds good, but i'm not satisfied yet, i can't feel the beat comin' out of the windows if you know what i mean, good inside but average outside, depending on the angle and location of the one who's listening, i wanna create a sound that'd shake eardrums at every angle. I wanna follow Steve Meade's footsteps on how he got his wheels Hi-Fi with 4 18's 20,000watts of loads, you know. it's bangin' around the block, around the city/town, around the youtube community. I'm so excited to have a replacement to my subs,excited to have a non-pro license and more excited about having our car turned over to me! YYEEAAHHH this is the life!


~now speaking of being excited, we, my friends,  have been so excited this night for we thought we could catch up on the last full show of fast 5, my friend told us that the last full show is going to be at 10 tonight, but too bad he viewed the wrong mall sched, the mall near us has 9 as the last full show of that movie, and yea we're kinda expecting that we're gonna be there tonight but we're too late to come 'cause it was about quarter to 9 that moment, though we were not too disappointed.---10:14pm---

Fully Booked.

---10:12pm--- i'm fully booked! so much activities these past days, first i went to Casanjo Garden Resorts with my friends, and we slept over my friend Nonats' crib, so stretched out for before i went to casanjo, i also went to SM megamall with my mom and dad because mom will buy a laptop, we all took late night for the dealing was not so fast, though i had my stomach satisfied after all because my favorite pizza was the dinner, after i had the dinner at home, fixed my things and my dad gave me a ride to casanjo, the resort was so deep in a village, my dad almost forgot the way out, we all enjoyed the resort, we almost got one pool just for us friends 'cause people don't want to mix with us for they know we're enjoying much that they can't be around somehow, if you know what i mean.


~i only got less than 3 hours of sleep because of them, i somehow regret coming too, but i enjoyed the party anyway, i'm only considering my class that day that's why i'm also somehow regret my decision to join them, too bad the reason why i can't sleep is because i feel the time, it was like few hours behind, you know. i was so active these days that i tend to forget my rest, after my class, i went home just to get another set of clothes for another sleepover with my other friends, my team.


~and i wont make this situation pass, that we saw a UFO! no kiddin' it was like a V shape something flying above, i was the first one to see that and my friends thought i'm just cracking a joke but i'm not, they saw it too except one, Jheo. We were all shocked and scared like "what the hell was that??" though we came to a conclusion, or should i say a wild guess that the thing we saw were just flock of birds, although we also doubt it for it's color orange, we could all say that the orange effect came from the night lights, but think of it that the lights are focused down the road and not on the sky, it can reflect but not that much. One of us said that it's a "manananggal" a flying, fiction being that is a half human, half monster. We were scared that we forgot the rotation of the shotglass, BUT i assert that we were not drunk, i swear we saw that thing.


~well you know i lack sleep so i need to go now, and i'm sick yea. thanks. ---10:36pm---

i've been talking a lot today.

---11:09pm--- i went to the mall today for i have to teach my friend some math, but i went there a little earlier, or should i say, not earlier than the planned time, but earlier, indeed earlier than my friend. So for that i stroll and look for car accessories and sound system stuff, i got a demo for the pioneer subwoofer, which i didn't somehow enjoy, it's not that spectacular at all because it sounds merely like our recent subwoofer. I thought it would sound  much better compared with our x-plod unit but there's barely a difference, maybe the huge difference would be about the box and the style, the x-plod looks old but same sound as the pioneer with the style like it seems to have the sound which will make your head turning to me, too bad it wasn't. i didn't enjoy the demo that much, i maybe had expected a lot from it.


~ well even if i didn't enjoy, at least and at last, my friend came after 10 years, she got a nice ride, yea, with a fancy cool driver, i didn't knew that time how i would start the session, it took me much time looking for a possible topic in the book that she borrowed, after all i got myself handling it without the help of that book, i seem so pathetic that time i can't find a way to make her realize things i say, but i believe one day she would. her driver came so we left, the session was over. got a ride near the place i'm going to, then i walked instead of riding a jeepney going there.


~ so if you'd ask, i went to my friend's house, my other friends were there earlier while i'm teaching, i went there without them knowing, so they were surprised. we had a drinking (soft drinks only) session, not liquor, before the playoffs for PS2 was held, yea he had a playoffs and i was the champion, best of 3. We then took dinner there even if we don't want to because we're quite shy already for we always go there, like we were thinking "are we in?" if you know what i mean. So many stories and sharings, laugh trip, everything that passes our mind, we did it. YES.WE.DID. *laughs* after we then told our friend's mom that we have to go, but in reality we hang out outside their house and the stories continued, a lot like a basketball talk, and studies as well, we ironed up the plan for the overnight on saturday at the same house. It's kinda late then that i have to go ahead, but my other friends also got themselves packed and so we all got ourselves home.


~tomorrow, they will all come here in my house and we'll play x-box and hangout again for sure, we've enjoyed and we've the sickness of hanging out and just sharing stories together than having our money spent. Ideal right? so i have to fix my room for tomorrow, so i have to go, and actually my girlfriend is on the line while i'm doing this. Multi-tasking uh? *laughs* bye!---11:44pm---

injured

---11:37am--- i got the results for the quizzes we took last time, and got the midterm exam finished ahead of the others, guess what i got a perfect score! *smiles so big* now what i'm waiting for is the results for the midterm exams and the raw score for the first half of the summer classes, hoping i'd get 100 as a raw score.

~yea as a reward, I went to the house of my friends Adriel and Carlo at santolan to hang out with them, we played basketball, dunk contest yea, and we had a playoffs. unfortunately i got injured so i didn't get to the winning score, but still no one got the champion spot, just about time where Carlo's mother got home and park their car at the court, we then entered Adriel's house and we took rest for a while before going to the "tawiran" it's a place at santolan where there's a "tapsihan" where we took our dinner, got budget from Carlo's mother, thanks for her. Got many stopovers before we really went home, everytime we chat, we're going to spend about 30 minutes per session of talk, we always talk in circles while standing, something we could do to make the time pass without much knowing.---11:58am---

---11:58am--- sorry, got myself away from the keyboard, so after all we got home and my laptop still is on that time, i got home about 10pm and i saw the messages from my girlfriend, so many messsages left for me, she doesn't know that i'm away, so i told her today, actually i'm chatting with her now. *smiles* so there, my wrist now is fine, it feels as of nothing had happened, but maybe if we're going to play again, i'm going to have a shooting instead, but i'll not play aggressively like yesterday, have my wrist a little exercise and at the same time a little rest from stress and impact.---12:03pm---

Epic

---9:34pm--- first of all i didn't know it was already 9:34pm, i thought it's only 8:something. *laughs* btw.


~we (the family) went to MOA (Mall of Asia) a while ago for a snack and a medicine, we didn't stay much longer for we had enough already, we're so tired for just a short period of time.


~tomorrow would be our (my girlfriend) 8th month of being together, and i don't know how could i make her feel more special for the day and the next days, though i knew she's at the province and i can't talk to her even for just a minute, maybe i'd just leave a long message for her to spend time with, along with the epic video that my friend gave me just before i decided to update here, the title of the video is "Strangers, again" it's on youtube... it's a drama, it made me quite emotional, and it made me love and miss my girlfriend even more although i thought my love and the way that i miss her is the most "love" and "miss" that I've felt ever before, if you know what i mean. I could really say that i could relate all-through the situations on the video.


~i wonder what i could do for her tomorrow, so i guess i'd compose my long message for her this time, that means i have to go now.. *smiles* bye ---9:46pm---

Sinakulo

---7:35pm--- just got home from Zambales, it's really a journey going there because Zambales is like 4-5 hours away from home on land transportation, we had like a clan party, yea not literally, but our clan was complete there for a fun beach-side overnight inside a hut, i didn't swim but i went to the shore to check what's up with the south China water *laughs*


~the beach wasn't that white, it's actually not white at all, grey? yea it is.. too bad that day you know what, i had lost my bowel movement, until now, for that i can't eat much for a party, i had just a shot of liquor then i slept already.


~it's my really first time to watch a "sinakulo", if you would ask what sinakulo means, it is a passion play, a traditional play for us Christian Filipinos which the actors/actresses will make a simulation or dramatization of the passion of Christ, yea if you'd ask it's until the crucifixion. We went there by riding the rented fortuner of my uncle's friend there in Zambales.


~i kinda have to go 'cause actually i just got home, yea as i've said a while ago, so i need to take a rest and eat my dinner now .. *smiles* goodbye---7:58pm---