just to what it is.

---12:23am---no one knows how much i wouldn't like to share this, but i'll keep everything as shallow as it can be..


this would be the time where i guess i have to really link this up to somebody...


this is a little special entry.. for someone i've really really loved for a short moment,....


for me it's short but i don't know really if how much 8 months would be for all of you.


it's short for me 'cause i really don't want to end it though i'm the one who asked for it...


a sacrifice that i chose just to make her happy, the biggest and the hardest sacrifice that i've ever done in my entire life.


to let her go.






~ i can't quite much understand what i really want to tell to this blog entry but, it would be randomly just focused on one subject...


my ex-girlfriend.. we just broke up and guess what... i'm not crying... doesn't necessarily mean that when a person doesn't cry in a situation that is hard, he/she is happy.. as of what my friend Jheo said to us, "silence speaks louder than words" and for me.. "silence flows faster than tears" harder though it's clear.. that a goal in me is such a big sacrifice just for her to be happy, while i'm somehow in the agony of her come back, things will never be the same again.


do you believe in second chances?.... i don't. but to think i'm still in the midst of waiting for her homecoming, i kind of being stupid right? i don't believe in second chances but i still wait for the second chance? i aint crazy.


but enough, let's say i am... just for her. i admit, can't imagine much how i could live a life to the fullest without her, in my opinion right now.. maybe just for right now. i really cant... i just have to live life just to what it can offer.. just to what it is.


i can't say much more for i can't focus on this much right now...


just imagine me doing this.. with dried lips and acidic tummy, have you imagined my tearbox doesn't give up to hold much of my body liquid... that it came to the point that my lips were dried as my tummy be acidic, my fluid is not coming out, but it's not maintaining, it's just containing. i have cried a lot inside and the tears aint going out....


Forgive me God, i had this paramount of thought, which i did just figure out last late night, that i can't bring myself towards what you really plan, what i mean is...i can't catch up much on your blueprint of my life, that for now i don't know how i'm going to be for the next few days or months or years... you know why? i still love her.


i'd be much thankful though, God, i know it's not enough, the time alloted was something out of what i thought my lovelife was. and so i wish for you just to sketch up another rendering of my life, that my heart will be closed beating on myself, i have to give myself my own love.


i wonder now... if my dog knows how i'm doin'... he's here and staring at me.. while i thought a while ago when he just entered my room that he needed to leave my room, but i didn't kick him out for someone taught me how to give sympathy for a dog who wants to see his man around him. how wonderful that i got this attitude from her...


there is no one else in this world that i loved so much like her....and there would be no other from now on.


my life would be a ported box of heart. where love goes for just a side where she's at, 'til the end...












'til the end of this blog. and my sufferings for my huge loss.


i love you so much Charmaine. i wouldn't say this for your happy ending, i would just have to say it for you to always know... just come back to this site and you always just have to believe i still do... as always.








stop crying.---1:11am---